Forgiving the Words That Shaped Me
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
— Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
I was about seven or eight when I heard my mother and one of my older sisters talking in the next room. It was one of those moments where you know you weren’t meant to hear what was said… but you did.
“Nobody will ever call her pretty,” one of them said.
They were talking about me.
That sentence, simple and unfiltered, wrapped itself around my identity like a label I couldn’t remove. For years, those words played on repeat—shaping how I saw myself as a daughter, a wife, a mom to three beautiful girls, and a woman.
They weren’t just words. They were wounds.
As I grew older, the memory of that conversation became a quiet wall between me and my mom. I loved her—but I didn’t trust her with my heart. I smiled at family gatherings. I answered the phone. But there was always a part of me holding back. I don’t know if it was because I was afraid of the judgment or if I felt in my soul that my relationship with her was off somehow. I mean what mom talks about her daughter in that way?
And how do you fully open your heart to someone who helped bruise it?
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." — Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
I wanted to forgive her. I prayed to forgive her. But I didn’t know how to let go of something that still hurt so deeply.
Forgiveness didn’t come in one big emotional moment. It came in quiet, sacred steps. It came in therapy.
In prayer.
In journaling.
In tears, I cried in the stillness of early mornings.
Forgiveness came when I realized holding on to resentment was keeping me in prison—not her. I realized that one day when I was reading a book where forgiveness was compared to an octopus with tentacles. Failure to forgive meant that those tentacles were wrapped around my heart, and it was hurting my heart. And that forgiveness was more for me than it was for them because I know that they would never take the blame for anything, and they never would say sorry for anything.
"And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses."— Mark 11:25 (ESV)
When I turned 50, something broke loose in me. I began to see my worth not through the lens of what someone once said, but through the truth of what God says:
That I am chosen.
That I am loved.
That I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
That shift gave me the courage to speak truth to my mother—not to shame her, but to set myself free.
“I love you,” I told her. “But I’ve carried pain for years because of something you said. And while I’ve forgiven you, I also need to protect my peace.”
Boundaries didn’t mean I stopped loving her. They meant I started loving myself, too.
"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." — 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)
Forgiving my mom didn’t magically fix everything. We still had a complicated relationship up until the day she died. Even after her death, her last words still had an impact on me. But I knew that no matter what, I forgave her because she learned how to be a mom from her mom, but I learned how not to be a mom from her.
I began to see her not as the source of my pain, but as a woman with her own pain, who did the best she could with what she had.
And that, friends, is where true healing begins. \
Prayer
Father God,
You see the hurt I carry from the words spoken over me—especially by those I love. Help me to
forgive, not because they deserve it, but because You’ve forgiven me. Heal what still feels raw. Give me wisdom to love with healthy boundaries. And teach me to see others—and myself—the way You do. Amen.
Reflect & Release
Is there a hurt from your childhood that still impacts your relationships today?
What truth from God’s Word can you use to replace that lie?
Who do you need to forgive—not for their sake, but for yours?
Scripture to Hold Onto This Week:
"Forgive as the Lord forgave you."
— Colossians 3:13 (NIV)
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