The Weight We Carry: Why Forgiveness Feels Impossible

I never realized how heavy unforgiveness could be—until I had held it so tightly for several years that I could feel it in my body. You know that kind of weight that settles deep in your shoulders, the kind you can’t just shrug off? That was me, carrying around resentment that had developed roots of bitterness within me.

The truth is, forgiveness feels impossible sometimes—especially when the hurt runs deep, when it comes from someone we trusted, when it’s tangled up with memories we wish we could erase. It’s hard because we feel like letting go means saying the hurt didn’t matter. And if you’ve ever stood in that place of “How can I possibly forgive this?”— you’re not alone.

But before we talk about how to forgive, let’s start with why it feels so impossible.

The Hidden Burden of Unforgiveness

Imagine carrying around a backpack. It’s invisible, but it’s there—filled with stones of bitterness, resentment, anger, maybe even grief. With every passing day, those stones grow heavier. Sometimes, we get so used to the weight that we forget it’s even there. But it shows up in the tension in our shoulders, in the sleepless nights, in the quiet moments when we rehearse what they said, what they did, what we wish we’d said in return.

I’ll never forget a conversation I had with a friend who was walking through a deep betrayal. She said, “I thought if I forgave, it would mean I was okay with what they did. And I’m not. Not even close.” Her words hit me square in the gut because I’ve been there. Forgiveness can feel like surrendering our right to be angry, to be justified, to seek justice.

But here’s the thing: unforgiveness doesn’t just weigh us down—it traps us. It’s like locking ourselves in a cell while holding the key in our pocket. The person who hurt us may not even realize we’re still carrying it. But we feel it, don’t we? The exhaustion, the heaviness, the nagging voice that whispers, “You’ll never be free from this.” And the reality is, our unforgiveness accomplishes nothing except creating disappointment and pain for ourselves.

Forgiveness ≠ Excusing the Hurt

Forgiving someone does not mean pretending the hurt didn’t happen. It doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean we’re weak for letting go. It means we’re choosing freedom over bitterness. We’re choosing to release the weight we’ve been carrying—not because the hurt wasn’t real, but because we were never meant to carry it forever.

Jesus spoke these words in Matthew 6:14-15: “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” That’s not a threat—it’s an invitation. An invitation to experience the kind of freedom that only comes when we say, “I’m done carrying this weight.”

But let’s be real: forgiveness feels like a tug-of-war. We want justice. We want the scales balanced. But at the same time, we want peace. The good news is, God doesn’t ask us to pretend the hurt didn’t happen. He invites us to let Him carry it for us.

God Meets Us in the Pain

God meets us right in the middle of our pain, in the moments when we’re not sure we want to forgive. In the moments when we’re angry, bitter, exhausted, He’s there, whispering, “You don’t have to do this alone.”

I remember sitting with my Bible, staring at verses about forgiveness and feeling completely stuck. I didn’t know how to let go. I was tired of carrying grudges, but I didn’t know how to stop when I was still feeling the ramifications of the pain. I prayed, asking for God’s help in releasing it, truly and fully. And do you know what I sensed in that moment? Not condemnation. Not judgment. But a quiet invitation to let Him carry the weight I’d been holding.

Forgiveness isn’t a one-and-done decision. It’s a process. A daily choice to open our clenched fists and say, “God, I trust You with this.” Some days, you’ll feel like you’re making progress. Other days, the anger might sneak back in. That’s okay. Healing is a journey, and God is patient with us as we learn to walk it out.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re feeling the weight of unforgiveness, I want to invite you to pause. To breathe. To remember that you’re not alone. You don’t have to have it all figured out. You don’t have to force yourself to forgive before you’re ready. But you can start with a simple prayer of surrender.

“God, I’m holding onto hurt. I don’t know how to let go. Please soften my heart and show me Your way. I want to walk in freedom, but I can’t do it alone. Help me trust You with the weight I’ve been carrying. Amen.”

Forgiveness might feel impossible today, but God is in the business of doing the impossible. He’s strong enough to carry what you can’t. He’s gentle enough to meet you in the middle of the mess. And He’s patient enough to walk with you every step of the way.